- If all the nations in the world are in debt(am not joking. even US has got debts), where did all the money go? (weird)
- When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be give a thought)
- What is the speed of darkness? (absurd)
- If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking)
- Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)
- Can you cry under water? (let me try)
- Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day? (i think they meant something else)
- Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)
- Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)
- Can you get cornered in a round room? (by ones eyes)
- Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight i will stay and watch)
- What came first, the fruit or the color orange? (seed)
- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)
- What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments)
- If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (can somebody help )
- Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)
- Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isnt it)
- If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be ! able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)
- If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? (i dont have a change to try)
- Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice)
- If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? (this is nice)
- Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road? (stupid, break the law)
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Can Anyone Please Answer These Questions?
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
A Gift To Mom
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."
The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out her thank you notes. "She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."
The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out her thank you notes. "She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."
50 Facts to Know!
- The word "queue" is the only word in the English language that is still pronounced the same way when the last four letters are removed.
- Beetles taste like apples, wasps like pine nuts, and worms like fried bacon.
- Of all the words in the English language, the word 'set' has the most definitions!
- "Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.
- "Rhythm" is the longest English word without a vowel.
- In 1386, a pig in France was executed by public hanging for the murder of a child
- A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off!
- Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.
- You can't kill yourself by holding your breath
- There is a city called Rome on every continent.
- It's against the law to have a pet dog in Iceland!
- Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day!
- Horatio Nelson, one of England's most illustrious admirals was throughout his life, never able to find a cure for his sea-sickness.
- The skeleton of Jeremy Bentham is present at all important meetings of the University of London
- Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people
- Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, everytime you breathe!
- The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump!
- One quarter of the bones in your body, are in your feet!
- Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different!
- The first known transfusion of blood was performed as early as 1667, when Jean-Baptiste, transfused two pints of blood from a sheep to a young man
- Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails! Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin!
- The present population of 5 billion plus people of the world is predicted to become 15 billion by 2080.
- A Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
- Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian, and had only ONE testicle.
- Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible.
- Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th."
- Coca-Cola would be green if colouring weren't added to it.
- On average a hedgehog's heart beats 300 times a minute.
- More people are killed each year from bees than from snakes.
- The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long or write approximately 50,000 English words.
- More people are allergic to cow's milk than any other food.
- Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand.
- The placement of a donkey's eyes in its' heads enables it to see all four feet at all times!
- The six official languages of the United Nations are: English, French, Arabic, Chinese, Russian and Spanish.
- Earth is the only planet not named after a god.
- It's against the law to burp, or sneeze in a church in Nebraska, USA.
- You're born with 300 bones, but by the time you become an adult, you only have 206.
- Some worms will eat themselves if they can't find any food!
- Dolphins sleep with one eye open!
- It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open
- The worlds oldest piece of chewing gum is 9000 years old!
- The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds
- Queen Elizabeth I regarded herself as a paragon of cleanliness. She declared that she bathed once every three months, whether she needed it or not
- Slugs have 4 noses.
- Owls are the only birds who can see the colour blue.
- A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years!
- A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue!
- The average person laughs 10 times a day!
- An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Embarrassing Situation
A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone.
After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her,
"Er... Excuse Me, But Would You Mind If I Sat Here Beside You?"
She responds in a loud voice :
"No, I Don't Want To Spend The Night With You!"
Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them. The young man is surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.
After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes, and says,
"You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
The young man responds loudly with,
"What Do You Mean Five Thousand Bucks. For One Night? ! Thats Too Much !"
After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her,
"Er... Excuse Me, But Would You Mind If I Sat Here Beside You?"
She responds in a loud voice :
"No, I Don't Want To Spend The Night With You!"
Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them. The young man is surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.
After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes, and says,
"You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
The young man responds loudly with,
"What Do You Mean Five Thousand Bucks. For One Night? ! Thats Too Much !"
Sand and Stone
This story tells of two friends walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face.
The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:
They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath.
The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:
The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand, and now, you write on a stone. Why?"
The other friend replied, "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. When someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone, where no wind can ever erase it."
Learn to write your hurts in sand, and to carve your benefits in stone.
The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:
They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath.
The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:
The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand, and now, you write on a stone. Why?"
The other friend replied, "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. When someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone, where no wind can ever erase it."
Learn to write your hurts in sand, and to carve your benefits in stone.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
A Medical Problem
An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?"
"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."
Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as much, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!!"
"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."
Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as much, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!!"
Friday, September 14, 2007
How to Catch a Lion?
Newton's Method:
Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion.
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.
Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion.
Rajnikanth Method:
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !
Manirathnam Method (Director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted. Keep murmuring something in its ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
Karan Johar Method (Director):
Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other. Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion. First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another lioness(third) into the forest. You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont !
Yash Chopra method (Director):
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.
Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.
Menaka Gandhi method:
Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.
George bush method:
Link the lion with osama bin laden and shoot him!!!
Ravi Shastri method:
Ask the lion to bowl at u. U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run .
Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion.
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.
Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion.
Rajnikanth Method:
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !
Manirathnam Method (Director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted. Keep murmuring something in its ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
Karan Johar Method (Director):
Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other. Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion. First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another lioness(third) into the forest. You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont !
Yash Chopra method (Director):
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.
Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.
Menaka Gandhi method:
Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.
George bush method:
Link the lion with osama bin laden and shoot him!!!
Ravi Shastri method:
Ask the lion to bowl at u. U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run .
Friday, September 7, 2007
I Love Fridays
Water your plants, clear off your desk, and get out of the office a little early today. It has been a long week and you need to take in some fresh air. Fluorescent lights do not provide you with ample Vitamin D. You need sun light for that!
Are you able to walk out of the office and leave the week behind? Can you accept the fact that all of the same problems that hit you in the face today will be there on Monday? So why ruin your weekend thinking about it?
You need to let go of any remaining stress and pull out of the parking garage or ride the train "work-free." That means you do whatever it takes to get work out of you head. Clear your mind from the corporate pollution of the week and smile.
Friday is my favorite day of the week. It is not because I do not like what I do, hate working or anything like that. It is the day when I get to turn the office lights off for the week and start to focus on real life - my family.
Friday, I love you.
Are you able to walk out of the office and leave the week behind? Can you accept the fact that all of the same problems that hit you in the face today will be there on Monday? So why ruin your weekend thinking about it?
You need to let go of any remaining stress and pull out of the parking garage or ride the train "work-free." That means you do whatever it takes to get work out of you head. Clear your mind from the corporate pollution of the week and smile.
Friday is my favorite day of the week. It is not because I do not like what I do, hate working or anything like that. It is the day when I get to turn the office lights off for the week and start to focus on real life - my family.
Friday, I love you.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
The Old Carpenter
This is a story of an elderly carpenter who had been working for a contractor for many many years. He had built many beautiful houses but now as he was getting old, he wanted to retire and lead a leisurely life with his family. So, he goes to the contractor and tells him about his plan of retiring. The contractor feels sad at the prospect of losing a good worker but agrees to the plan because the carpenter had indeed become too fragile for the tough building work. But as a last request, he asks the old carpenter to construct just one last house.
The old man agrees and starts working but his heart was not in his work any more. He had lost the motivation towards work. So, he resorted to shoddy workmanship and constructed the house half-heartedly. After the house was built, the contractor handed over the front door keys to the carpenter and said, This is your new house. My gift to you. The carpenter was shocked and upset. Had he known that he was building his own house, he would have done a better job! Now, he would have to live in the house, which is not worth staying.
Think of yourself as the carpenter. You work hard every day but are you giving your best? We put our least to the work we don't like or do not have interest in. Later, we get shocked at the situation we have created for ourselves and try to figure out why we didn't do it differently.
Enjoy your tasks and carry on your responsibilities with pleasure and not with pain. Life is a do-it-yourself project. Do your job enthusiastically and with devotion, a positive output and a pleasing life will certainly be on your way.
The old man agrees and starts working but his heart was not in his work any more. He had lost the motivation towards work. So, he resorted to shoddy workmanship and constructed the house half-heartedly. After the house was built, the contractor handed over the front door keys to the carpenter and said, This is your new house. My gift to you. The carpenter was shocked and upset. Had he known that he was building his own house, he would have done a better job! Now, he would have to live in the house, which is not worth staying.
Think of yourself as the carpenter. You work hard every day but are you giving your best? We put our least to the work we don't like or do not have interest in. Later, we get shocked at the situation we have created for ourselves and try to figure out why we didn't do it differently.
Enjoy your tasks and carry on your responsibilities with pleasure and not with pain. Life is a do-it-yourself project. Do your job enthusiastically and with devotion, a positive output and a pleasing life will certainly be on your way.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
IT Developers in Projects
Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees". The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.
Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the developer?"
One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You FOOL! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now YOU ate one developer and it got noticed. So hereafter please don't eat a person who is working."
Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the developer?"
One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You FOOL! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now YOU ate one developer and it got noticed. So hereafter please don't eat a person who is working."
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Rearrange Words
| Dormitory | » | Dirty Room |
| Presbyterian | » | Best In Prayer |
| Astronomer | » | Moon Starer |
| Desperation | » | A Rope Ends It |
| The Eyes | » | They See |
| George Bush | » | He Bugs Gore |
| The Morse Code | » | Here Come Dots |
| Slot Machines | » | Cash Lost In Me |
| Election Results | » | Lies - Let's Recount |
| A Decimal Point | » | Im A Dot In Place |
| The Earthquakes | » | That Queer Shake |
| Eleven Plus Two | » | Twelve Plus One |
| Mother-in-law | » | Woman Hitler |
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Do Not Trust Women
A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room!"
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room!"
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Impact of the Job Change
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped few centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said: "Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I’ve been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years...!!!"
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said: "Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I’ve been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years...!!!"
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