A man arrives in Heaven appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter looks over his paperwork. The guy looks OK, but he wants to be sure. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man replies. "On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers threatening a young woman. I warned them to leave her alone."
"That's impressive," the gatekeeper says. "Then what happened?"
"Well, they wouldn't back off, so I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now back off, biker boy, or you'll answer to me!"
"That's really brave," St. Peter said, clearly impressed. "But I don't have it in your paperwork. When did this happen?"
"Let's see," the man says, looking at his watch. "About a minute and a half ago."
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Cookies
A young lady was waiting for her flight in the boarding room of a big airport.
As she would need to wait many hours, she decided to buy a book to spend her time. She also bought a packet of cookies.
Beside the armchair where the packed of cookies lay, a man sat down in the next seat, opened his magazine and started reading.
When she took out the first cookie, the man took one also. She felt irritated but said nothing. She just thought: "What a nerve! If I was in the mood I would punch him for daring!"
For each cookie she took the man took one too.
This was infuriating her but she didn't want to cause a scene.
When only one cookie remained, she thought: "Ah... What this abusive man do now?"
Then, the man, taking the last cookie, divided it into half, giving her one half.
Ah! That was too much!
She was was much too angry now!
In a huff, she took her book, her things and stormed to the boarding place.
When she sat down in her seat, she looked into her purse to take her eyeglasses, and, to her surprise, her packet of cookies was there, untouched, unopened!
She felt so ashamed! She realized that she was wrong...
She had forgotten that her cookies were kept in her purse.
The man had divided his cookies with her, without feeling angered or bitter. While she had been angry, thinking that she was dividing her cookies with him. And now there was no chance to explain herself... nor to apologize.
There are four things that you cannot recover!
The stone, after the throw!
The word, after it's said!
The occasion, after the loss!
The time, after it's gone!
As she would need to wait many hours, she decided to buy a book to spend her time. She also bought a packet of cookies.
Beside the armchair where the packed of cookies lay, a man sat down in the next seat, opened his magazine and started reading.
When she took out the first cookie, the man took one also. She felt irritated but said nothing. She just thought: "What a nerve! If I was in the mood I would punch him for daring!"
For each cookie she took the man took one too.
This was infuriating her but she didn't want to cause a scene.
When only one cookie remained, she thought: "Ah... What this abusive man do now?"
Then, the man, taking the last cookie, divided it into half, giving her one half.
Ah! That was too much!
She was was much too angry now!
In a huff, she took her book, her things and stormed to the boarding place.
When she sat down in her seat, she looked into her purse to take her eyeglasses, and, to her surprise, her packet of cookies was there, untouched, unopened!
She felt so ashamed! She realized that she was wrong...
She had forgotten that her cookies were kept in her purse.
The man had divided his cookies with her, without feeling angered or bitter. While she had been angry, thinking that she was dividing her cookies with him. And now there was no chance to explain herself... nor to apologize.
There are four things that you cannot recover!
The stone, after the throw!
The word, after it's said!
The occasion, after the loss!
The time, after it's gone!
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Big John Doesn't Pay!
One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.
At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.
Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically week? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened - Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next.
This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.
By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!"
The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And why not?"
With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."
At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.
Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically week? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened - Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next.
This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.
By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!"
The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And why not?"
With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."
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